I am going to be brave/ foolish and admit it. At the moment
I am wearing trousers 2 dress sizes above my normal size. This is because I had
a baby a month ago, so I have a bit of a tummy. And you know what? That's ok. When
I was pregnant, I ate what I wanted to (mostly cake and dairy) and consoled
myself with the thought that I would eat healthily after I had given birth. I
don't mean go on a low-fat low-carb diet (I have managed never to go on a diet
so far in my life, and don't plan to start now - with the exception of when I
had PND and didn't eat much at all. I was miserable but skinny. Result.) I just
mean eat three healthy, good-sized meals every day, just not snack in-between.
But I can't be
bothered. Like every woman, I have been bombarded with the message that I need
to be thinner (no matter what my actual size at the time), and I'm fed up with
it. I feel like rebelling. I'm happy, I have a wonderful loving family and
never allowing myself treats will just make me hungrier and a bit sadder, not
happier. I'm not saying that from now on I will eat every chocolate bar and bag
of crisps that I see, just that I will allow myself to have a snack sometimes
(ok, a few times a day - I can't help it, I'm a hungry person). I will still eat
mostly healthy meals, and keep doing gentle exercises every so often; I don't
want to get diabetes or heart failure just yet.
I'm saying this, and still there's a little voice at the
back of my mind saying 'but you could do with losing a bit of weight...' Honestly,
I don't think it will ever completely shut up - I am just another victim of my
culture - that, as a woman, I am just too fat. Women's rights have come so far,
but I don't think they'll ever go far enough to empower us to be whatever size
that they naturally are - whether that's skinny or curvy. But that doesn't mean
that we have to listen to the little voice. The problem is that you will never
be skinny enough for that little voice. You will never be perfect enough for
our societies' ridiculous picture of womanhood. It's an unattainable target.
That's the problem with focussing so much energy and angst
on yourself - it's lose/lose. We were made to worship God, not our bodies or
what goes into them.
The real reason that I am rebelling is my children. They
have to grow up in a crappy enough world without me adding to their problems.
At least if I have a healthy self-image, they have a chance of having a healthy
self-image too. If not, the tide of body dismorphia that is everywhere could
just overwhelm them. And I do not want my kids to hate themselves. I do not
want my kids to have eating disorders. No thank you.
That's easier said than done, of course. But if you are
criticising yourself, your children will pick up on it, and from a very young
age. And boys will too, this isn't just a girl's problem anymore. I know
because my son (aged 7) is already aware of his size- he is so skinny and yet
sometimes makes comments about his tummy. It's scary, and I am partly to blame.
I hate that.
This is a very good article:
